Dancing with Doubt

After my last writing on Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Determination, someone I respect encouraged more reflection on how I characterized Doubt. So I’ve been…steeping, actually more likedancing with Doubt. Considering the nature of our country, our earth, I’ve had plenty of material for the inquiry. Maybe you have too. Let’s dive in together. Pause and consider if you have time for a deeper dive in this moment. If not, no problem, this might be good to return to with a cuppa later in the day or on the weekend.

When you’re in a good, settled place, bring to mind something that has brought forward a lot of Doubt for you: a project, a course of study, a personal goal, a relationship, an organizing campaign, being a parent, an artistic endeavor, a movement, waking up in the US every day these days. Just pause right here, really bring something to mind, something specific.

Doubt can invite us, force us even to really notice where we are, where we thought we were, and where we thought and think we’re headed. We move through life with so many ideas, mostly unconscious, about what we think is certain, true, enduring. And then we realize that all things are uncertain, in fact all things change or crumble. Great time to curl up in a ball and turn out the lights. And yet right there, we’re already at a cross roads, even when we can’t see the way forward, and there’s so much out of our control. One of the things we do control is our focus and orientation, and we can notice the dance partners we’re inviting into our own heartminds.

Last winter, I was dancing with a lot of Doubt about our country, our world, even my own aging body. At that time, Doubt was dancing mostly with fear, anxiety, heaviness, pessimism. I am still steeping with a fair amount of Doubt. However, I’ve pulled in some different dance partners. Here are some I’ve invited in, and as you read, consider which dance partners you’re inviting in at this time and how they’re serving you.

Grounded Humility: How can I stay humble in my fixed views? Things are changing all the time. So how on earth could I imagine I know how things are gonna turn out? Can I continue to bring my best effort forward in the midst of the not knowing?
Curiosity/Wonder: Considering things are changing all the time, sure there’s fear. Can I also be open to curiosity, even wonder? It sure feels different in my body; porous, more dynamic, more playful and animated.
Creativity/Passion: What expressions do I see around me? What energy can I bring to this moment? How can I open to the light, the color, the dynamism? In our country, the creativity has certainly been flowing.

You see, if we’re really paying attention, deep, contemplative Doubt invites us to dig deeper inside, to wonder and imagine and dream into what we’re capable of creating and changing; we the individual and WE the collective, as evidenced with recent leadership choices in Seattle and NYC. Different dance partners, different steps and different outcomes. We’re seeing this ALL OVER this country right now, people reaching through Doubt, reaching for each other, reaching to move things from abundance to places of lack, reaching to extend care, generosity, and warm humanity. Wherever you’re dancing with Doubt, who are the dance partners you might invite in this season?

There are so many spheres of life where I harbor a lot of Doubt. There is one arena of life where I have zero Doubt, and that is the passion I have about caring for my patients. I know that my presence and skills support them to navigate these times, in their bodyminds, in their heartminds. And they help me! I feel so blessed everyday in clinic with the work I do, with the people who return trusting me for care, allowing me to hold them, and then extending their contributions out into the world in their spheres of influence. What a team!

There’s one last dance partner I’ve been inviting into my experiences of Doubt, and that is Hope. And I’ll close with an active, engaged, resilient characterization of hope that is invigorating me in these times.

We must hold and support each other now. We must animate our hope with engagement and creativity we didn’t even imagine possible. I always welcome responses and reflections to my writing.