Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Determination.

This winter was really hard. When life is hard, in addition to cherished community, I’m kept afloat by things learned and cultivated through my meditation practice, a practice I’ve sustained in the Japanese Zen tradition* since 1996. Like flotation devices in rough waters, teachings pop up in pithy shorthand, phrases and practices come to mind, images arise. This winter, along with trusted voices helping me understand and meet this moment in our country, one ancient Zen ancestor in particular has been keeping my nose above waterline. Sharing his wisdom here for however it might be supportive to you.

Hakuin Ekaku (1686-1749) was known for his artwork, his relations with the community, the intensity (even militarism) and vigor of his own personal cultivation and teaching. He held up three essentials in Zen practice: Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Determination. In life, I’ve observed these forces move like dance partners.  There’s ebb and flow of each. Sometimes one leads, sometimes another. Sometimes they collapse together in an uncoordinated heap, and things get stuck and dark. This ebb and flow applies from interpersonal relationships, to changes in our bodies, from community organizing to combat HSI seizures of Americans, to creative endeavors of paintbrush and garden spade, it applies to battling court cases and to the many forms of engagement to protest and block authoritarianism’s rise in this administration. We are always contending with these:

Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Determination.

This winter, Doubt was a bullying lead. I felt some measure of collapse in the darkness. Over these recent months, Determination has stepped forward to lead with firm, upright posture. There’s been a blooming of Determination as thousands, millions, in this country are expresssing what many value and how we are going to protect and care for each other. Faith, Doubt and Determination.

Faith in what? For me, it’s not fixed belief or dogma. Faith is something I feel in my body. It lives in or rises from my lower belly. Faith in humanity’s best impulses. Faith in impermanence to know that ‘this’, no matter how painful, will also change. Faith in the amazing ability of human bodies to heal. Faith in my internal resources to rise to the occasion. Faith in community, those who will have my back, and who depend on me to have theirs. Each of us is IN our own version of hard in this moment, influenced by our place in the world and that of those dear to us (immigration status, health, financial stability, geographic location, connection to community). You alone can know what Faith means, and where your can find support to nurture it.

Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Determination.

*Who is your most assertive dance partner in this moment?

*If Doubt is in the lead, where can you turn for expression of Faith and Determination?
*How are you nurturing a balance of these? space for each?

*In the interest of your own health and well being a few questions to consider: how are you moderating your media consumption and screen time? your food and movement? the company you’re keeping? activities with which you’re engaged?

This winter, I experienced a lot of humility in navigating the darkness of Doubt right alongside my patients (and those dearest in my life). We all feeling our way forward through the darkness. And, it’s as clear to me as ever, that interwoven with my own political engagement, one of my most imperative political acts is caring for my patients. I can nurture their Faith that when they walk through my door, they will always find safety and respectful care. They will be held in their confusion and Doubt (about their bodies, their ability to heal, the state of our country and humanity). And they can trust feeling supported and cared for in order to move forward with their own Determination, their own spheres of influence in these times.

I urge you to find ways to engage in the health and vitality of your immediate community and our broader democracy (mutual aid, service work, GoFundMe for immigrant neighbors’ safety and legal defense, protest, phone banking, support legal organizations fighting for all of us). If you haven’t yet protested since the dawn of this administration, please find a  No Kings Protest this Saturday June 14th near you.  I’ll close sharing this powerful Sweet Honey in the Rock version of  Civil Rights anthem, “Ain’t Gonna Let No Body Turn Me Around.” Have a listen. Carry it forward.

I always welcome responses and reflections to my writing. Holding all of you with tender care.
onward with resolute determination,
Zoe
~~~

*For those unfamiliar with Zen practice, it is not something distant and esoteric. The golden age of this meditation lineage arose during the one of the bloodiest periods in T’ang Dynasty China. The An Shan rebellion killed tens of millions of people, splintering the Chinese empire. A very raw, direct and honest approach to sitting meditation arose right in the midst of the world being very much on fire.

Last note, contrary to the global trend, every line here is penned by me. I have a few trusted human sounding boards, and written entirely without AI.

Photos all 2025 protests in Seattle: MLK March, Hands Off, Indigenous Led Prayer Walk in support of Immigrants, Drumming, Dancing and Ritual led by IRETA P’urhépecha,
Pueblos Originarios de Abya Yala, Túumben K’iin, SLU Tesla Take Down, May Day passing Mowitch Man, carved by Andrea WIlbur-Sigo, member of Squaxin Is Tribe.